When it comes to divorce, most researchers prove that children suffer more from the process of getting divorced that is often full of tension, arguments, and hesitation, than the actual fact that their parents are getting divorced in the first place. The top concern of good parents in divorce is not the best forms for divorce, but the emotional and physical health of their families, specifically their children.
Adult Things Should Be Left Between Adults
The first rule to follow is to protect your kids from the exhausting divorce process and its dirty details but instead, just keep them conscious of the reality happening around them.
- No fighting in front of kids – children should never witness your arguments.
- No divorce details discussed in front of kids – if you feel okay with cutting all your life values in two to deal between you and your soon-to-be-ex, it doesn’t mean that your children feel the same.
- A child’s shoulder is not the right one to cry on – older kids are usually very supportive in the course of divorce since they want to see their parents happy no matter what.
Communication is Most Important
You cannot isolate your children from all the problems in the world including their parents’ divorce. But the primary thing is not to isolate yourself from your kids when the divorce is happening to your family. Instead:
- Talk about divorce – it is you and your spouse who have to tell your children about your divorce, not some gossipers or “good” relatives.
- Operate facts, not emotions – when discussing divorce with your kids, try to be emotionally neutral. Don’t show how you are happy or sad because of the divorce happening, as this can make them worry more.
- Keep children up to date with the process – when you come to some agreement or decide something concerning your children, you need to keep them updated with your decisions and upcoming changes in their life.
- Get professional help – to start with, get professional help both for you and your kids. These therapy sessions will prepare all the family for the divorce process and its consequences.
- Create a co-parenting plan – invest your energy not in arguments, but in creating a good co-parenting plan, so that your children will get everything they used to have and more, even when their parents are divorced.